


What's Done is Done (And We Never Will Be)

by Tahlruil



Series: Loving You Is Easy (It's Life That's Hard) [7]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man (Movies), Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, No Dialogue, Tony Feels, Tony-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 17:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11582475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tahlruil/pseuds/Tahlruil
Summary: Tony reflects on some of the things about his life he might change if given the chance.For the 'I regret nothing' prompt.





	What's Done is Done (And We Never Will Be)

**Author's Note:**

> This is soooo short, omg. I feel weird posting something so short. XD
> 
> This fic is basically an interlude in the series. I wanted something not too heavy because of what I'm going to do to Tony and Steve next. T_T At first I was going to do something silly for this prompt, because it seems to call for that... but the story wanted to go in a different direction.
> 
> Comments feed my soul. <3 I will love you if you give me some. XD

There were a lot of things in Tony’s past that he would do differently given the chance. Most of his childhood fell into that category actually. If he could do it over, he’d find a way to stand up to Howard, for one thing. If he had, everything would have been different. With Maria, he would tell her he loved her every day and beg her for all the hugs he’d spurned the first time around because of Howard’s needling. Tony would make sure Jarvis knew he saw the man as a father, and he’d learn all of Anna’s secret family recipes.

His teenage years were riddled with mistakes; sometimes he felt like Rhodey’s friendship was the only truly good thing to come from that time. The one thing he’d be absolutely sure to change was his sex life. He’d been so damaged and so desperate for affection. Tony had let people take advantage of him because of that, had hollowed himself out trying to give everyone else what they wanted from him. His first time was nothing more than a hazy blur with an edge of pain; he’d been drunk and scared, and he couldn’t even remember the guy’s face or name. After that had come a string of women and men both, most of whom hadn’t meant a thing. Tony wasn’t so blind to his own nature as to think he could have waited until he’d met Steve… but he _should_ have waited for someone who’d meant _something_.

He should have waited for Angela.

There wasn’t anything he would change with her, but he could have handled the aftermath much better. Tony could have changed the direction of Stark Industries right away. He could have stopped trusting Obie sooner and saved his company a mess of trouble. He could have trusted Pepper’s brilliance sooner. If he could go back, Tony would find a way to throw off his heavy mantle of self-loathing. He never would have stopped cooking or avoided Mama Rhodes for so many years. Tony would have started visiting a tiny little coffee shop tucked away in Brooklyn a lot sooner.

So yeah, there were things he’d changed, no question about that. He knew that he’d never had the chance - if there was one place no one could go, it was back. All anyone could do was try to learn from their mistakes and keep moving forward. Despite being a genius, Tony was a pretty slow learner in that area. But he’d finally started trying his best and things kept getting better. He was getting his shit together at last and becoming the kind of man he’d always wanted to be.

But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t change some things if he could.

As he looked at the man sleeping beside him though, Tony thought maybe it was okay that he couldn’t. Some of what he’d do differently might mean he didn’t end up with Steve, which was unacceptable. Being the man Steve deserved would mean nothing, after all, if the blond wasn’t there with him to see it. Looking back at his life, at all the poor choices and crappy experiences that had led him to where he was, Tony couldn’t be too unhappy about any of it. At the end of that twisted, bumpy road was a tiny but feisty man that he loved more than anything.

Their relationship wasn’t perfect, but it did make Tony better. He thought maybe it made Steve better too, and maybe that was the measure of the best relationships. Maybe when they made you want to be the best possible version of yourself it meant that everything else was worth it. All the little fights, the small but irritating quirks, the heartache… all of that was worth going through for the kind of relationship he had with Steve.

Pepper had asked why he hadn’t ended things with Steve; Tony had lied and said he didn’t know. Really the only thing he didn’t know was how to express the answer, how to explain it so Pep would understand. It sounded like such a weak excuse to say the good in their relationship far outweighed the bad even though it was true. That was a cliche, and no one bought those. Tony just wasn’t about to give up the person that made him want to be better or a bond of love he was _sure_ was meant to last a lifetime. Pep had pressed, announced Tony would regret giving Steve a second chance, then dropped the subject.

Tony couldn’t imagine that though. He couldn’t think up a scenario where he was sorry for meeting Steve or sorry for giving them a chance to recover and grow stronger. There were things he would change if he could go back - everyone did. But with Steve starting to wake up, smiling sleepily as he snuggled close, Tony was completely at peace with his inability to change the past. Steve was with him, they were in love, and they were both striving to be the best version of themselves. With so much good in his life, so much to be thankful for… Tony couldn’t bring himself to regret a single thing. It was all worth it, because everything had led him here, where Steve was giving him the sweetest ‘good morning’ kiss he’d ever tasted.


End file.
